The Brain (Ross) from the Planet Arous (Ipswich)

Starring:
Gregg as Steve
Cymande as Sally
Ross as Gor
Misho as Vol
Buckley as General Frogley
Lula as George the Dog




An alien criminal from Planet Arous, a brain creature named Gor, arrives in the vast cultural desert of Lake City, Florida. Steve and Dan, middle-age and a bit doughy, notice that something is emitting radiation from Poe Springs and decide to investigate, but only after Sally cooks up some delicious cremated burgers. At Poe Springs, Gor possesses Steve and kills Dan. Sadly, Dan will now be unable to play badminton and frequent the fleshpots that he is so fond of. Steve starts experiencing headaches and fits of frisky arousal both generated by Gor’s possession. Sally is both shocked and initially receptive, but decides she doesn’t like Steve’s new personality traits. Back in Steve’s lab Gor reveals himself and confesses that he wants to take over the Earth and that Sally gives him a ‘very strange and very new elation.’





Gor then proceeds to use his vast, destructive powers to bend the world to his will and demonstrates this by making Steve’s eyes cloud over, destroying model planes and playing some nasty bass lines. Meanwhile, Sally discovers Vol, another brain alien, who has arrived on earth to apprehend Gor. Vol possesses George the Dog to ensure easy access to Steve. Over dinner at The Top in Gainesville Steve starts threatening to wipe out the capital city of any nation that defies him. Col. Frogley is initially nonplussed by these threats until Steve gets cloudy-eyed and blows up another plane and ruins the A-bomb experiment that the government is conducting.

The next day they decide to visit the beach in Ponte Vedra. Vol informs Sally that Gor’s only weakness is the Fissure of Rolando and he is only vulnerable during one brief period when he needs to exit Steve to absorb oxygen. To provoke said oxygen-deprived state, they swim in the ocean and lay out in the scorching sun getting thoroughly burned. Over crabcakes, Steve, Sally and Dan’s sunburned ghost pick away at Gor’s exposed fissure with knives and forks. Gor decides that he should return to Arous where his loving family awaits.

The End. 

A Walk in the Pine Forest

One hot afternoon Charlie and I went on a mission to find the transient pond that fills after rains and erupts with singing frogs. We have been fearful of exploring the pine forest adjacent to our property because of hunters. Now, we actually know the hunter and I guess being shot by a hunter you know is less disturbing and fills you with confidence to explore the unknown. We found the pond which was dry and filled with small cypress trees. We also came across many large gopher tortoises basking in the warm pine forest. The armadillos, deer, bobcats and turkeys quietly avoided us, but we know they live there too.

Southern Hognose Snake

Heterdon simus

Description: Southern hognose snakes are fairly small, heavy-bodied snakes that reach about 24 inches in length. The photo is of a juvenile found in the front yard after raking some leaves.

Range and Habitat: Southern Hognose snakes were historically found in the Coastal Plain of the eastern United States from southern North Carolina to southern Mississippi and in most parts of Florida. However, this species has declined in recent years and is now only found in scattered locations in South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, and Florida.

Habits: Southern hognose snakes are active strictly by day and are often seen on warm mornings in the spring and fall. They are highly fossorial (living underground) and are most often encountered crossing roads that pass through sandy habitats. When confronted, hognose snakes often put on an elaborate threat display: they hiss, spread the skin around their head and neck (like a cobra), and feign striking. Eventually, they will even play dead, rolling on their back and opening their mouth. Despite this fairly convincing show, southern hognose snakes virtually never bite.

Hognose snakes feed almost exclusively on toads, although they will occasionally consume other prey. They seem to be immune to poisons produced by toads, and are equipped with enlarged teeth (called rear fangs) in the back of their mouths that are used to puncture inflated toads so that they may be more easily swallowed. Female southern hognose snakes lay 6 - 14 eggs in sandy soil or logs in the early summer. The eggs hatch in late summer.

10 Things That Happened on Spring Break.

1. The Dogwoods blossomed.


2. We took a daytrip to Kanapaha Gardens in Gainesville.



3. The pear trees started to grow fruit.

4. Nothing in particular.



5. The Suwannee River started to rise (today it is flooding areas of Northern Florida.)



6. Mimosa trees were re-purposed as art.



7. We sunbathed on St.George Island.



8. Cymande stood outside abandoned buildings in Apalachicola.



9. Though the photo doesn't document this, we attended the Apalachicola Arts Festival.



10. We considered and ate oysters.

A Sinkhole Mysteriously Appears.

Last month we travelled to Ft.Lauderdale for a conference, but along the way we stopped in Cocoa Beach to visit our friend Soleil. We stayed at the Sea Aire Motel and it was pure Old Florida right down to the wood paneling and the smell of suntan lotion. We sat by the ocean and carefully avoided Soleil's ex-employers while they pretended not to see her. It was a short stay though. We left and continued southward, eventually ending up in South Beach where we met up with our friend Allison, ate overpriced food, and wondered if the crime scene we walked around was real or a film set.




A few weeks later Soleil came for a visit and with her came mystery and geologic events. First, she brought an obsessive interest in manatees. Then, the weather became unstable and like I've said before, "If you don't like the weather in North Florida then you really won't like the stupidity." Anyway, it was warm, then there was heavy thunder and lightening, and then it was freezing. The wind blew, yet my kite would not fly. I tried another kite and it too would not fly. I was becoming nervous about all these supernatural events when I stumbled upon the greatest mystery of the weekend. The sinkhole. During the night it opened up in our field and is approximately two feet across, five feet deep and full of intrigue.



We went for a Sunday drive and came upon Ocean Pond (which in not at all similar to Ocean Lawn in Manchester-by-the-Sea, MA, but they almost rhyme.) The Seminole have a folk tale about Ocean Pond being created by a meteor, but that just a story they tell to confuse us. Ocean Pond is actually a 1700+ acre sinkhole that filled with water. I've been considering our sinkhole and I wonder if I should start building a dock now, sort of like Noah's Dock. I'm waiting for the next rainstorm.

Ichetucknee River Vacation.

My parents (Connie and Lee) recently spent a frigid week in an Ichetucknee River cabin.  They arrived for record-setting cold and the cabin pipes froze and thawed with the moon and sun.  We paddled the river and saw a fat and friendly beaver.  We didn't see the fabled swamp donkey, but there were deer and hawks and osprey aplenty.  We also celebrated my mother's birthday in a very Hanukkahesque fashion with goose, caramelized apples, potato croquettes and cheese cake.  My mother insists that we are not really Jewish, but I'm  not so sure.

 

The Kitchen Project Ends. Sanity Returns.

Before

During

After

After 4 deeply painful months of a partial or non-functioning kitchen (and four years of hideous 70's cracker-style kitchen design) we are learning how to cook again. Gone are the days of hot plates, toaster ovens and daily take-out. And gone is the nasty old stove that I put on the side of Old Wire Road with the proclamation of "Free!" It was gone by sunrise, but interestingly an old toilet appeared several days later. I'm not sure what this means. Anyway, we are rid of our ugly old kitchen and all the problems it presented. We now have a shiny new Ikea/Cymande/Gregg kitchen. The restoration required rewiring the entire house, refinishing the pine floor and rebuilding the ceiling and walls. During the kitchen project we also refinished our bedroom and made a artsy/crafty/office space out of our back room. It is done! All of it! I mean the entire house! I am about to begin my life of leisure, relaxation and a goodly amount of imbibing as well as mastication. Mastication. Below are some photos of our trip to Anthony and Faye's for a belated Christmas celebration. As always, the food was wonderful and the views gorgeous. Up next on the blog is a visit with my parents who are in transit now from Arizona.

The Third Annual Christmas Stinkhorn

Linderia columnata
Common Name: Columned Stinkhorn
Description:Fruiting body: 6 to 10 cm tall, 2 to 3 cm wide with 4 to 5 hollow, bright red, spongy arms united at the top, which arise directly from the white volva, greba dark olive-green held inside the arch at the top (which you can almost see in the photo above.) Button: white, flaccid, oval with white attached cords or rhizomorphs. Odor: stong. Flavor: mild (though the arms in a greba sauce must be utterly disgusting)
Habitat and Distribution:Single to several on rich soil, mulch, in gardens, lawns and open woods. Found in SE and Southern US. Fruiting in summer, fall, and early winter during or after wet weather.


Our Christmas started with an unusual smell and we wondered from where it was emanating. Cymande remembered that this is the season of the stinkhorn. We eventually found a small crop growing in our flower bed. From there we progressed to a pancake breakfast prepared in our partially completed kitchen. Then a series of traditional Christmas activities ensued: mulching the sycamore leaves; washing the front porch; playing our newly acquired bass; giving the dogs baths; and enjoying the 80 degree day.